Postmortem Professor 

Creature — Zombie Warlock
$0.21 #16239 0.00 0.4 years
This creature can't block.
Whenever this creature attacks, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
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Cards similar to Postmortem Professor expected a card that isn't here?
Reports become test cases the matcher is graded against before an update ships. Delvefall isn't a chatbot guessing, it compares the printed rules text of every card with plain math, and examples like yours decide which differences should count.
Sanguine Syphoner88%
$0.19↓#6561↑0.11↑1.8 years↑
"Whenever this creature attacks, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life."
Agate-Blade Assassin84%
$0.15↓#8985↑0.002.1 years↑
"Whenever this creature attacks, defending player loses 1 life and you gain 1 life."
Tome Shredder82%
$0.10↓#25450↓0.075.4 years↑
"
, Exile an instant or sorcery card from your graveyard: Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature."
Infectious Horror81%
$0.10↓#19721↓0.11↑17.6 years↑
"Whenever this creature attacks, each opponent loses 2 life."
Vicious Conquistador81%
$0.31↑#9032↑0.008.9 years↑
"Whenever this creature attacks, each opponent loses 1 life."
Pulse Tracker81%
$0.14↓#9918↑0.24↑16.6 years↑
"Whenever this creature attacks, each opponent loses 1 life."
Ragged Recluse // Odious Witch80%
$0.03↓#25725↓0.24↑4.8 years↑
"Whenever this creature attacks, defending player loses 1 life and you gain 1 life."
Whiplash, Vengeful Engineer80%
$0.16↓#19709↓0.000.2 years
"Whenever this card attacks, if he's equipped, each opponent loses X life and you gain X life, where X is the number of Equipment attached to him."
Dogged Pursuit79%
$0.26↑#12690↑0.25↑5.6 years↑
"At the beginning of your end step, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life."
Izzet Chemister79%
$0.21#132690.50↑9.0 years↑
"
,
: Exile target instant or sorcery card from your graveyard."
Demilich79%
$0.51↑#164790.31↑5.1 years↑
"You may cast this card from your graveyard by exiling four instant and/or sorcery cards from your graveyard in addition to paying its other costs."
Drana's Emissary78%
$0.35↑#6604↑0.22↑10.9 years↑
"At the beginning of your upkeep, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life."
Bob, Reluctant HYDRA Agent78%
$0.29↑#23918↓0.000.2 years
"Whenever this card attacks alone, return him to his owner's hand. If you do, each opponent loses 2 life and you gain 2 life."
Boomerang, Blade Flinger78%
$0.29↑#24391↓0.000.2 years
"Whenever this card attacks, he deals 1 damage to each opponent and you gain 1 life."
Mishra, Claimed by Gix78%
$6.23↑#6812↑0.29↑3.8 years↑
"Whenever you attack, each opponent loses X life and you gain X life, where X is the number of attacking creatures. If this card and a creature named Phyrexian Dragon Engine are attacking, and you both own and control them, exile them, then meld them into this card, Lost to Phyrexia. It enters tapped and attacking."